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FUCK [May. 10th, 2008|10:03 pm]

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!! [Mar. 30th, 2008|03:20 pm]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |The Shins]

yoooo doodz. just checkin in to discuss some ideas that were brought up last night when day hallard brittles and i were goin to see 21....

party. at rockport. im going to be having some sort of "chicken dinner" this week for day to come over and subtlely ask my dad if there's anyone staying at rockport now. if the answer is no, we are in luck, and we are going to have an epic party there.


because it's large and has 4 stories. but it needs to be extremely carefully planned out. and this time im not going to invite anyone ahead of time and get fucked over. w0000

so, im gonna go do homework now. any input on this possible event is welcome.
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shit [Mar. 26th, 2007|10:30 pm]
i am not proud of myself right now. i am sick of how incessantly nosy and paranoid i become over the dumbest things. it just makes me more self-conscious and way more annoying than i need to be and i end up feeling terrible about it afterwards and rebounding myself into possible areas that are absurd and would only hurt me and the people around me. i love him so much, and i get so fucking sick of when i start to consider him someone that hides things from me, even though he tells me over and over again that im the only one for him. i just don't take care of myself, and i need to. i know that. but there's some fucking impedition that makes me want to hurt myself and make myself as good as i can possibly be; i want to be perfect for him. and he tells me i am, but i feel like i could be way more easygoing. how the fuck do i know what he's thinking when im the one feeling like he hides his feelings from me. perhaps im being reasonable, and i hope not. i hope i get over this stupid shit because i fucking hate it and i fucking cant stand it and it makes me want to do bad things. i wont. but the fact that i am even thinking about it is disdainful.
i wish i wasn't so worried about my appearance. im going to tell mother to go fuck herself is she tells me to eat another cookie. bitch.
i wish i could break my nose again so i could have the sweet newfound comfort of paper towels and his arms for the first time when i was truly needed.
i wish someone would read this. someone that matters.
i need him exclusively very badly. i want to have him all to myself, cuddled up underneath the sheets and i want to bury my head in his neck and run my hands through his hair. and then i want to kiss him and tell him that despite the shithole ive made myself into, i will always love him and im glad that i was part of helping him feel better about himself.
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!! [Oct. 25th, 2006|10:39 pm]
i feel like i have a bit to say, however, i need to finish my bio homework first. hold on.
nevermind, i'll write in this tomorrow.
i can just say im in a very good mood right now.
and i want to paint or draw something regarding the seven deadly sins tomorrow in study hall. so many possibilities!!
and i also am really in a sam-cuddle mood....which sucks because....well....he's not here. i know, my life is so hard.
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!! [Oct. 9th, 2006|11:40 pm]
TheHollowInMe (11:13:04 PM): so we had the shit we needed
TheHollowInMe (11:13:19 PM): but then we were like oh shit, we have to acount for left over non-gas shit after the reaction
TheHollowInMe (11:13:44 PM): so we were like..fuck lets subtract the amount of liquid HCl we put in from the full volume of the bag
TheHollowInMe (11:13:50 PM): so 1115ml-92 ml
TheHollowInMe (11:13:58 PM): so we got 1023 ml (1.023L)
TheHollowInMe (11:14:03 PM): so then we did all that shit again
TheHollowInMe (11:14:29 PM): and were like n=.042, .084liters of HCl, 3.528g NaHCO3
TheHollowInMe (11:14:39 PM): so then we were like..shit we have two different things of data
TheHollowInMe (11:15:06 PM): and mr. s was like..take a smaller than the average amount and we were lyke AW HELL NAH we want this bitch to b plump!
TheHollowInMe (11:15:27 PM): so we took average which was 3.696g NaHCO3 and 88ml HCl
TheHollowInMe (11:15:31 PM): so we did that shit yeah!
wkma00004 (11:16:02 PM): plump

i swear, sometimes the importance of AP chemistry does not phase me, particularly not on a monday night.

today was so incredibly amazing. i should not verbally explain why....just....wowz0rs. even though this thing is like a diary. whoever reads this still may not want to hear certain things.

this weekend was fun, friday night i did nothing, saturday night sam colby sarah and i went to a show, sam colby and i stopped at some convenience store in between some shitty bands and ate chef boyardee, wow, it was delicious. the guy working there was so blunt. "I fucking convinced some kid to buy the steak over rice over there in the fridge. It cost a little more but it's worth it." haha what a man. sunday i ultimately did nothing here at my mom's, and today sam and i were together. because it was columbus day even though amerigo vespucci discovered america.

my cat is about to piss in the kitty litter box. i have to stop typing now.

oh god, this is going to be horrible.
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!! [Sep. 22nd, 2006|11:01 pm]
i'm at eliza's right now.
this week went by very quick, which was nice
the most significant things of the week....not a lot happened....ap chemistry is alittle less painful than i thought it would be
eliza is playing amelie songs on the piano right now like always and it's nice and relaxing like always k. she's probably sick of hearing that.
we went to visit britt today for a half hour at work. eliza got cake batter ice cream and finished it then got more ice cream except it was vanilla and with lots of hot fudge....HAHAHAHA eliza just found out that her mom was hiding the cheezits practically inside the piano for days without telling her.
but yeah, now shes playing this harmonica-y type thing to go along with the music. wow she's so good at it. this is lovely music.
i got a pint of ben & jerry's half-baked after school after i left because sam decided to go to one guy's jv soccer practice. soccer is the lamest thing ever, next to golf, and tennis, and i probably just offended like 437856384 people including one of two people who are my livejournal friends. sorry sophie, i still love you, and the shirt you wore today.
i like it when eliza gets frustrated when shes trying to learn a song and she keeps playing the wrong note and eventually she gets so mad that she just slams the keys and this disgustingly delightful sound comes out.
oh wow and eliza is now playing....wow i cant remember the name....going to look for the music.
walking in the air. that's it. singing that in front of the middle school was quite the adrenaline rush. it's a pretty song.
we're going to have breakfast with mr. bradd on sunday morning at 1030 somewhere downtown. im excited to see him even though i pass him every morning when i go to school.
dude. i love life right now. i get to see sam tomorrow, and dad and mindy arent getting back from montreal til later, which means....you know what that means. and my bronchitis is almost totally cleared up. and i dont have a ton of homework this weekend, the homework i do have, i might actually enjoy.
unicorns....hot cocoa....snow....cuddling....cheery silly piano songs....SHOWS....tool next friday....maybe....another haircut soon....seeing friends!!....not being allergic to eliza's cat....loving life.
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!! [Sep. 16th, 2006|11:53 pm]
today i spent the day at samuel's. i woke up around 11 and my mom and i pointlessly talked about dad and mindy for a while, which didnt get us anywhere, so i left for sam's, and we cuddled and stuff for a while and then we went to see the black dahlia. it was pretty good, entertaining, gory. cha. then we came back and his dad and andrew were watching DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER and it was the dumbest, 2nd most entertaining thing ever. it's funny how much stuff his dad can laugh at. while we were having dinner, he turned on willy wonka and the chocolate factory, which was excellent (the first one was better).

sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell.

sam and i have our one year in two days. well, one now, because it's 12:04 AM as i type. that's amazing. i just want to take a moment to list all the bands that we've seen together since 9/18/05:

-a life once lost*
-everytime i die
-it dies today**
-haste the day
-WOULD HAVE BEEN WALLS OF JERICHO AND UNEARTH had there not been a huge fucking snowstorm. but we saw them at ozzfest anyways :)
-WOULD HAVE BEEN NINE INCH NAILS had trent reznor not gotten so friggin sick.
-a cute little show at the lions club. with like....gallows and sense of destiny and the if in life and other bands too.
-OZZFEST, which consisted of.... between the buried and me*, walls of jericho, all that remains, (the red chord), strapping young lad, unearth, bleeding through*, (full blown chaos), a life once lost**, norma jean*, (atreyu), black label society, (dragonforce), (avenged sevenfold), lacuna coil, hatebreed*, disturbed, system of a down, ozzy osbourne
-bleeding through**
-dead season
-always and forever
-heavy heavy low low
-fear before the march of flames*
-some other bands from that show i don't remember
-rob zombie
we will soon be seeing....
-norma jean
-fear before the march of flames
-between the buried and me
-death cab for cutie
-she wants revenge
grand total: 13 shows. not bad. and more to come.
*indicates a band seen, or will be seen, more than once
**indicates a show of extremity, intensity, near-death fatality, and pain.

i love being metal. and i also love being gentle.

so, yes, i conclude....we rule. i can't believe this kid's managed to put up with me for almost a year. i have some super surprises coming up for him on monday. okay well maybe not so super but you know. no you don't. wtf.
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!! [Sep. 16th, 2006|12:21 am]
sam was just telling me about a song called "marmalade" by system of a down, when i realized that that is a fantastic word. just say it.

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!! [Sep. 15th, 2006|10:41 pm]
k so i can't update this thing from my dad's house, because my computer there is ree-tar-did. first off, i am wearing THE comfiest underwear right now. it's light blue and has lace on the bottom but most importantly, it's seamless, which makes my vag a very happy vag.
this week has been....fairly long, i survived, but it wasn't too bad all in all. on tuesday, sophie and i followed through with our plan and we went to duston's and ate sandwiches and she had a pretty greek wrap with lots of things in it, and the wrap itself was bright green, which made me smile. then we bought two cookie monster cookies with extremely blue frosting, and we painted our teeth with it....she ended up painting more of her face than her teeth though. we took pictures. maybe she will post them soon so you can see how delightfully stupid we are. then mr. harding walked in and sophie and i tried to talk to him seriously but i had blue cracks in between my teeth and she had blue smudged all around her mouth so it didn't follow through very successfully. then i got home and struggled with ap chem homework.
the rest of the week was sort of a blur from what i see when i look back on it. i like my classes a lot more this year for the most part, mr. connolly has a very similar teaching style to ms. davie, which i like, and today we totally butchered an absolutely horrid essay that he'd received in the past. i was crying from laughing at how poorly it was written. gegebra is nice, a tad painfully easy, but enjoyable all the same because ms. hoyt is cute. ap chem is....well....mr. sanborn often has clementines in his room which makes it all worthwhile, just to hear that fabulous sound of the slices gently tearing apart. french is a huge class. whatever. history is great, i love mr. fletcher, ever since i paid him back for the dry-cleaning of his coat in freshmen year that i flicked yogurt on to, we've been on good terms. and it generally ends up being a debate class or a philosophy class, which is interesting. biology just got interesting today when we started learning about genetics and dna (dioxyribonucleic acid), i absolutely love all of these silly facts about the material world and what we're made up of, it's so cool. i need to get on these homework assignments....including finishing the final draft of my english essay on kite runner and catching up on the 4 french assignments i havent done yet.
but i am not stressed out because finalizing an essay is easy and otherwise my only homework is labeling a map for history and catching up on french. i will get started now and possibly update later.
monday is the big ONE YEAR for sam and i. i CAN believe it. it's a beautiful thing.
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!! [Sep. 11th, 2006|01:19 am]
If I believed in a heaven, it would smell like the chilly outdoors right now. I do have a bad habit of locking and/or closing in everything in my room so that i am completely separated from all of the outside sensations. And what a better time to smell outside than 1:20am on the morning of September 11th, 2006 (no, i am not making a figurative reference to 9/11, that's not what this journal is for). it is the air of the near future: the leaves preparing to freeze frosty and the ocean vehemently pushing its way inland and into my shy nostrils. i would love to drive to the jetty right now and sit there and let the wind cleanse my body, but it is illegal and i need sleep.
the rest of my day was very good as well, save burning my forehead with my new hair straightener which advertises the fact that it can heat up to 230 degrees....Celsius. Sam came to my mother's house around 1:30ish after his driving and then we went back to my house. After the necessities, we went outside on my trampoline and it was, yet again, perfect outside. We jumped around a lot....haha....and tried to have a 180-360-540 contest. i clearly won even though he does not think so. in between sets of jumping, we lay on the trampoline, or rather, on one another, and laughed at the static in each others' hair or at the noises the other one was making. i coughed a lot but it's getting better now. there were a few particular moments where i would have killed to have my camera outside; Sam was lying down at an angle so that his eyes were exactly the same color as the cloud-scattered, blue, but not unpleasantly-blinding sky above us, save the little golden glow around his pupils. i guess there must be a reason why cameras are not available at our command. it was so beautiful. then i lay my head down on his chest and hugged him because i love him. later on, Dad and Mindy and Sam and i had chicken parmesan and it was tasty. then Sam and i did some last-minute cuddling in the dark under the orange sheets and i wished that he didn't have to be home early to do homework.
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